I ran the Flower City Half yesterday in 1:22:18. I was 4^th woman and got $200. The race was won is 1:20:12. I knew going into the race I would be slower than last year at this time when I was able to fairly easily run a 1:18 at the Glass City Half. Since November I have been running every day, but my workouts have been few and far between and the ones I have done have been short and not as fast as usual. This was my 4^th race of the year and my best workouts have been my races.  I had lowered expectations because of the lack of fast workouts and the lack of long runs other than a 15 miler in Seattle with Oiselle ladies and a 14 miler last weekend. Still, I had confidence that I could come out and do something magical.

In an attempt to gain some fitness, I crammed a few workouts the 2 weeks before the half. Though some would argue I went in tired, I think the workouts helped. I’ve never tapered for a half (I think it is a good idea for people trying to peak for one!) and have run well on tired legs many times. The problem I ran into was having an emotionally exhausting week leading up to the race. Most of the time I can brush off, resolve, or put away things that are bothering me and possibly even use them to fuel a race, but when things build and I can’t find peace with them, it is hard for me to race well. This is my weakness.

I began this post with how the race played out, and there’s really nothing to note from during the race. I ran some miles. I mostly maintained 4^th place the whole race. I existed. I was okay with the race yesterday, but woke up being angry with myself. I thought about it during my 5.5 mile recovery run today. I was just existing during the race. I wasn’t racing. I wasn’t really tempo-ing either. I was just out there existing. Sure, I enjoyed the run. I waved to spectators – the whole time! I smiled at people as I passed. That’s a great thing, and I respect people who race like that, but it’s not me. I like to put myself through pain and take chances and fight to the finish with someone, hoping to take the whole field down. I didn’t have that spark in me yesterday and it makes me sad. I was just existing. I wasn’t racing. I wasn’t responding to my competitors’ moves. I wasn’t being myself.

I’m moving on from yesterday’s race. I think writing about it and identifying the problem will make that easier. I hope to no longer just exist but get out there and do something special!

Look at tiny little me hiding in there among the crowd.

Yep, that’s me sporting the Oiselle singlet and roga shorts!

Do you finish races feeling like you had something left in the tank?  Are you ok with it? Do you regret it the next day?